How to Talk to Your Partner About Their Video Game and Technology Use
There’s a kind of loneliness that hits different when the person you love is right next to you—but not really there.
Maybe it started as a small frustration, just a few extra hours spent gaming here and there. But now, it feels like the game is getting more attention than you are. Conversations get cut short. Date nights turn into them saying, “One more match” for the fifth time. You try to bring it up, but every time you do, it turns into an argument or an excuse.
And so you sit with it, feeling increasingly disconnected, maybe even questioning your own worth. Am I being too needy? Is it selfish to want more from my own relationship?
It’s not.
Wanting connection, presence, and effort from your partner is not unreasonable. And it’s not about the game—it’s about the fact that you’re feeling neglected and unheard.
The problem is, when conversations about gaming go wrong, they don’t just go wrong. They explode.
You call them out → They get defensive.
You try to set a boundary → They push back.
You argue → They escape further into the game.
Nothing changes.
So how do you actually talk about this in a way that gets through?
Let’s walk through it.
1. Regulate Yourself Before You Try to Change Anything Else
Right now, you might feel frustrated. Hurt. Unimportant.
Those feelings make sense.
But if you try to talk to your partner while you’re still simmering in them, the conversation is going to go exactly how you expect: badly.
Because frustration doesn’t invite listening—it invites defensiveness.
So before you bring this up, process your feelings first.
Journal.
Talk to a friend.
Go for a walk.
Do something physically intense to shake off the tension.
Then ask yourself:
"Even with these feelings, am I willing to communicate differently to have a chance at a better relationship?"
If yes, move forward.
If not, that’s okay. Just recognize that waiting for your partner to change while refusing to change your approach is a losing game.
2. Lead With Care, Not Criticism
If your partner feels attacked, they will not hear you. Period.
Instead of saying:
"You’re always playing games and ignoring me."
Try:
"I know gaming is something you really enjoy, and I want you to have that time. At the same time, I miss you, and I don’t feel as connected as I’d like to be. Can we talk about that?"
This isn’t about blaming them for gaming. It’s about expressing your need for connection. And when you make it about the relationship, not just the habit, your partner is far more likely to listen.
3. Listen to Understand, Not Just to Be Understood
It’s easy to assume that your partner is just being careless. That they don’t see the problem, or worse, don’t care about how it affects you.
But the reality? There’s a reason they’re gaming so much.
Maybe it’s how they de-stress. Maybe it’s their way of staying connected with friends. Maybe it’s an escape from something they don’t know how to deal with.
And here’s the part that’s hard to hear: If you don’t take the time to understand that, this conversation will go nowhere.
So instead of just making your case, be curious. Ask them:
What do you enjoy most about gaming?
Do you feel like it’s taking up more time than you want it to?
What do you think would help us feel more connected?
If you can understand why the habit exists, you’ll have a much better chance of finding a solution that works for both of you.
4. Use “I” Statements Instead of Attacks
Instead of:
"You never make time for me."
Try:
"I really enjoy spending time with you, and I’d love to find more ways to connect."
Instead of:
"You care more about that game than you do about me."
Try:
"I feel disconnected when we don’t have quality time together, and I don’t want that for us."
One sparks defensiveness. The other invites understanding.
5. Collaborate on Agreements, not Rules and Boundaries
The moment this conversation turns into you telling your partner what they can and can’t do, it’s over.
Instead of saying, “You need to play less,” ask:
"How much time do you think makes sense for gaming each week? And how much time can we set aside just for us?"
The difference? They’re now part of the solution instead of feeling controlled.
Let them suggest ideas. You might be surprised by what they come up with.
Then, agree on:
A set time for gaming vs. connection.
A plan for what to do if the balance starts slipping.
What each of you will do to make sure the relationship stays strong.
If they create the agreement with you, they’re far more likely to follow through.
6. Expect Slip-Ups—And Know How to Handle Them
Most people expect permanent change from a single conversation.
That’s not how habits work.
If your partner slips up and plays longer than planned, it doesn’t mean they don’t care. It just means they’re human.
What matters is how you handle it.
Instead of letting resentment build up, call it out early—without attacking:
"Hey, I noticed we haven’t been spending as much time together again, and I miss you. Can we talk about how to get back on track?"
No drama. No resentment. Just a simple return to the agreement.
7. If Nothing Changes, Ask the Bigger Question
If you’ve done all of this—calm conversations, mutual agreements, clear boundaries—and your partner still refuses to listen or adjust, then this is no longer about gaming.
It’s about how they show up in the relationship.
At that point, the real question isn’t:
"How do I get them to change?"
It’s:
"Is this the kind of relationship I want to be in?"
And if the answer is no, then that’s the conversation you need to have.
Final Thoughts
Most people approach this conversation by trying to win.
The goal isn’t to win. The goal is to actually be heard.
If you approach this with frustration, blame, and ultimatums, you will get defensiveness, avoidance, and fights.
If you approach this with care, curiosity, and collaboration, you have a real chance at change.
And even if nothing changes, you’ll walk away knowing that you showed up in a way you respect.
That, in itself, is worth something.
