Your Feelings Aren’t the Problem—Fighting Them Is

Most of us have been taught that emotions exist on a scale of good and bad.

Happiness, excitement, love? Good. Chase more of those.
Sadness, anxiety, shame? Bad. Get rid of them as fast as possible.

And so, we try.

We suppress. We numb. We distract. We tell ourselves we shouldn’t feel this way, as if arguing with our own emotions will make them disappear.

But here’s the thing—your emotions aren’t random malfunctions.

They’re signals.

They don’t show up to ruin your day. They show up to get your attention.

Every feeling—especially the uncomfortable ones—is trying to tell you something.

And when you learn to listen, emotions stop feeling like something that’s happening to you.

They become something you can actually work with.

We Fear Emotions Because We Fear Suffering

Most of us aren’t actually afraid of our emotions—we’re afraid of the story we tell along with them. We’re terrified that the mean something awful about the core of us or our existence.

If I feel lonely, does that mean I’m unlovable?
If I feel ashamed, does that mean there’s something wrong with me?
If I feel anxious, does that mean the world will always feel dangerous?

This is where we get stuck.

Because instead of seeing emotions as signals, we see them as truth.

And when you believe your emotions are truth, you react to them like threats:

• You feel lonely, so you isolate yourself even more.

• You feel ashamed, so you shrink away from life.

• You feel anxious, so you avoid anything that might trigger discomfort.

This is how suffering becomes cyclical.

Not because the emotions are the problem.

But because we assume they’re realities to obey rather than messages to understand.

But what if suffering wasn’t something to be feared?

What if, instead, suffering was a portal?

Your Emotions Aren’t Random. They’re Data.

Your brain doesn’t send you hunger signals because it wants to annoy you—it does it to make sure you eat and stay alive.

Your emotions work the same way.

They exist to drive action toward what you need.

• Loneliness is hunger for connection.

• Sadness is hunger to feel good enough and honor what we’ve lost.

• Shame is hunger for acceptance and self-alignment.

• Worry is hunger for safety and security.

Instead of trying to get rid of your feelings, what if you actually listened to them?

Ask yourself:

"What does this feeling show that I care about and value? And am I living in line with that? If not, what’s one step I could take today to do so?"

This is how your emotions go from something that controls you to something that guides you.

It’s not about forcing yourself to feel good—it’s about using your emotions to build a life that actually works.

And when you do?

Your strongest, most overwhelming emotions stop being something you dread.

They become something you trust.

The Fear of Feeling Disconnects Us From Others

Here’s a strange thing about emotions: the less comfortable you are with your own, the less comfortable you are with other people’s.

When someone around you is hurting, do you immediately try to fix it?
Do you tell them “It’s not that bad” to make them feel better?
Do you avoid deep conversations because you don’t know what to say?

This isn’t because you’re unkind. It’s because you’re scared too.

If you’ve spent your whole life running from sadness, how could you possibly sit with someone else’s?
If you think anxiety is a problem to eliminate, how could you ever help someone navigate theirs?

This is why most people shut down, minimize, or try to distract from deep feelings.

Not because they don’t care.

But because they don’t know what to do with it.

The Gift of Embracing Discomfort

Most people assume that a "good life" means avoiding suffering.

No sadness, no anger, no fear.

But the people who are truly alive aren’t the ones who avoid suffering.

They’re the ones who have learned how to meet suffering with presence.

They don’t run from emotions—they lean into them.
They don’t avoid pain—they extract meaning from it.
They don’t see discomfort as a roadblock—they see it as part of the path.

This isn’t about glorifying suffering.

It’s about not being ruled by the fear of it.

Because when you stop fearing discomfort, you stop fearing life itself.

You’re no longer held hostage by the possibility of pain.
You don’t hesitate to love because you’re afraid of loss.
You don’t shrink away from challenge because you’re afraid of failure.

You live fully, knowing that whatever comes—joy, heartbreak, uncertainty, grief—you will meet it well.

And that? That is freedom.

When you’re Safe with your Emotions, You’re Safe for Others

Once you stop seeing emotions as problems, you stop panicking every time you feel one.

And once you stop panicking at your own emotions?

You stop panicking at other people’s emotions, too.

When someone around you is feeling deeply, you don’t rush to fix it.
You don’t minimize their pain or tell them to "just stay positive."
You don’t try to control their feelings because their feelings make you uncomfortable.

You simply show up.

Because emotions aren’t obstacles. They aren’t mistakes.

They’re the very thing that leads us where we need to go.